Open Letter to Wade Robson: No, I Don’t Hate You.

If you believe that someone like me hates you, you have a poor grasp of what “hate” is.

Hate is the opposite of love. Hate requires the same willingness to release as much as emotion and care as love does. And I suppose that it’s quite true for a number of fans and the response you have received. This event, that you entirely orchestrated, is truly traumatic for them, myself included. If you know so much about trauma, surely, you would know you can’t identify with our genuine pain, because each experience is unique. And you would know despite the misguided behavior of some, that it has nothing to do with you.

So why are you making it about you?

I am an actual survivor of sexual abuse, both in my early childhood and adolescence. Both of my biological parents abused me. It sucks. It’s painful. It has affected every aspect of my life and adulthood. Like your story, I didn’t fully grasp the scope of their damage until years after the abuse ended, in the midst of other upheavals in my life. I was 25 when it dawned on me, in full, that so many issues and problems tied back to my parents, and specifically: my mother. I’m writing a whole book about it! I’d be happy to send you a complimentary copy, especially if, as you say, this isn’t “about money.”

I’m not going to say that what I genuinely endured as a child and teenager means nothing if someone else didn’t have an experience that precisely mirrors mine. To be sure, you and I had rather different upbringings. A large portion of the abuse I experienced was the rarest type (mother-daughter) and hosts a whole different set of issues you can never understand as a straight, cisgender male. Likewise, if what you allege happened between you and Michael Jackson actually occurred, I could surely never understand the experience of a child enduring pressure from a beloved global celebrity.

But one thing remains true: my subconscious always knew that my abusers were bad people. I always knew to never trust them. My own parents! In my thirties, I’m only just now unraveling the tapestry and repairing the damage, years on after my father succumbed to lung cancer and almost five years without contact with my mother. I always distanced myself from them. Avoided their advances. Kept them at arms’ length. Never confided in them. My gaze always remained averted and I often ignored their phone calls. Something in me always knew the truth, and so did many people around us.

No, Wade, I don’t hate you or James. You wish I could.

I just pity you.

Someone like you who is so enmeshed in an identity that isn’t theirs that they have to hijack it from others. Who has so little knowledge of themselves as a person and fears who that person is inside, instead leeches on the status of others to advance themselves because they have no confidence to do it for themselves. Who thrives on the attention it brings them.

We have words for people like that. Words like narcissist and sociopath. There are several others, one of them probably suit you just fine.

You want our anger because it justifies your self-fulfilling prophecy as a victim. You certainly are a victim: of yourself, by your own design. Not of Michael Jackson. Devouring our anger and making it about you deflects the thinly-veiled hatred you have for yourself.

Part of the true healing from abuse is facing and forgiving yourself for the hatred that the abuse taught you to feel. It’s taking accountability for the wrongs you committed in your own life as a result of the dysfunction that was forced upon you because your own issues become survival strategies and coping mechanisms. Hurt people hurt others.

There’s no doubt in my mind that someone took advantage of you at some point in your life, no matter what they did, but it most certainly wasn’t Michael Jackson. And as long as you continue this charade, it will become more and more obvious. It’s the thing you fear the most and yet you are barreling headlong toward this certain ending because you know nothing else except self-destruction.

I’m telling my story, too. But I’m not doing it for the screentime, for royalties and licensing deals, to stand on someone else’s shoulders as they sink into the mud. I’m doing it on my own, for myself, and for others who need to know they aren’t alone. Unlike you, my story is making me lose money, a lot of it. I’ll be lucky to break even on it.

People like you drown out voices like mine. Exploiting our genuine pain, co-opting it, and acting it out like it’s just a matter of looking into a camera lens.

This will all boil down to one harsh truth in the end and you know it, and you will have learned nothing when it is all over, except that you can get a lot of attention for relatively little effort. And that’s why I just feel sorry for you: this episode will not heal you because this isn’t the actual damage that was done to you. And with all this narcissistic supply fulfilling your needs and taking up your time, you know you are too distracted to deal with the emptiness inside you.

You will never change, Wade. You don’t want to. When this train derails, you will board another without a second thought. Who’s next on your list? Britney?


Some readers have expressed interest in my upcoming memoir, NORDISCO: Things Mom Did With the Help of Whiskey. If you would like to pre-order it for a Spring 2019 release, simply click here for more information.
Additionally, peruse my Michael Jackson tag for more reading. These MJ-related pieces bring the most traffic to my site. I don’t sell ad space, but if you would like to support my work in other ways, click here
Thank you and best wishes!

23 thoughts on “Open Letter to Wade Robson: No, I Don’t Hate You.

      1. Your parents weren’t famous. He can’t help that his molester is. Your anti everything including your own cause. That’s why your writing this. There is isn’t a bigger hypocrite with no heart than you and I am positive nothing happened to you. Remember you didn’t come out till later either

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      2. I commend you for speaking up. One thing I would add is that I moreso think people are willing to believe the lie, because it also reinforces the uneasiness they have always felt about Michael Jackon’s alleged excentricities. It gives people an easy way to say, “A-ha, I was right to feel that Michael Jackson was weird”. Sadly, with the climate right now in our culture, I don’t think Michael’s legacy can survive this hit. They only thin they maybe cold help is if the 93′ and 05′ accusers came out and told the truth, but I’m not holding my breath on that.

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  1. girl i held back tears, i really did… you are amazing and brave – thank you for doing this and i feel so bad for real victims because the truth will eventually come out AGAIN i mean they can’t keep track with their own lies i mean… right now they went on CBS and Wade literally stole Safechicken stort – RIGHT THERE AND THEN, i mean you could really tell James wasn’t ready for this turn, you can see his confusion when he looks at Wade when he tells his yet ANOTHER version of how the abuse came to be – which he still make it seems like something he actually wanted…

    btw are you going to Oprah’s show? she is supposed to screen that movie and then interview them both – 7 freaking long hours dedicated to this BS… but what is the most upsetting is that she actually bringing REAL male victims to this screening (except for Taj Jackson for very obvious reasons)… and i know for a fact she is hoping for some kind of PTSD sort of reaction so they get the support i mean she already watched it… she knows how graphic and detailed it gets and to subject people who have actually been through this see a 4 hours of such horrible description i mean… horrible…

    i hope people will wake up soon

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    1. I haven’t watched their latest stuff yet as I’ve been so busy with work today, but I will have a look soon. I did not attend Oprah’s screening. I don’t think she was screening it in Los Angeles, where I am, but I could be wrong. At any rate, I’m not sure if I’d ever set foot in an OWN/Harpo studio because of her constant opportunism when it comes to the Jackson family.

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  2. I too am a victim of sexual abuse.. once in my teenage years and once as an adult. I was assaulted by a co worker, I reported it and ended up being retaliated against leaving me currently without employment and under a gag order 🤷🏽‍♀️ But on Michaels behalf I can’t help but SPEAK up. My soul was killed the moment I was assaulted; I panicked and didn’t know what to do so I waited until it was time for me to clock out. God, the gut renching feeling I got when I knew I would probably see him on my way out. There was no supervisor Their shifts had all ended by that time so in panic and went around the whole building building just to loop around and get to my car where I sat and cried. Between my assault and losing my job I have been battling with severe depression, I have nightmares literally every night. I’m on 2 anti depressants and barely leave my house I don’t even have the strength to. wade, LIKE the original post stated You May have been a taken advantage of at some point in your life but .. but it’s it DEFINITELY wasn’t Michael Jackson. A victim doesn’t behave like you wade/Safechuck.

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    1. So many hugs for you, Shay! I have dealth with a lot of B.S. at my jobs, harassment, etc, but never SA. Mine always happened at home :(

      Abusers are opportunistic, and they know how to play a system to exert their power, and I’m so sorry to hear that someone leveraged theirs to hurt you. I know you’re in a hard place with this now but even just talking about it, acknolwedging your nightmares, and staying on your meds and any other medical advice you’re provided are THE steps to healing. You’re doing exactly what you should be doing, and I’m happy for and proud of you for waking up to face each day as it comes.

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  3. God bless you, you are beyond brave for speaking out like this. You are much stronger than you realise. Thank you so much for being so open, I think genuine testimonies really do help people. I pray that you will succeed in anything and everything you do. All my Love.

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  4. Wow… That got me choked up. I too am a surviour of sexual abuse, groomed early on and went on through my early teens. They preyed on what I loved most (funnily enough michael jackson and his family) and how unloved I felt at home. (my abuser was a relation). However I knew it was wrong, I didn’t know what to do apart from self harm and trying to take my life and make excuses for why I was doing it. Eventually I Confided in someone when my abuser tried to blackmail and the person I was with heard the whole phone conversation. After that all I wanted was justice, not money, not attention, just justice and to feel at least a little bit safe. I got justice, But I was so messed up I ended up losing alot of friends, hit a destructive button. I couldn’t grasp my emotions, I had depression and Insomnia, ended up on medication. Even after I had my son I thought I would pull through and part of me did he gave me a reason to live and keep going day to day. It wasn’t until I met my husband and I have my son and now two daughters, I found a strength, I’m a surviour. However that doesn’t stop the days where something triggers of the abuse certain smells, or and aniexty attack happens if I see someone who looks like my abuser. My dad struggles to talk with me be close as he feels so guilty for his family member putting me through that and not knowing. For Wade the more and more this goes on the more the story changes I hope it does catch him out as it is hard enough for real abuse victims. But he has so many people eating out the palm of his hand who have a lot of influence on the public due to the world being media hyped and its easier to believe what they say than researching everything, I just don’t know if like you said he shall learn. I do hope this finds its way to him, and those surrounding him and makes him think even just a little bit. (sorry if this seems a jumble sometimes I get lost in what I say to get everything out at once.) thank you for sharing your story, I think you are so brave in doing so, and if your book gets published in the UK I will certainly purchase it. X

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    1. There is something especially egregious when our abusers are also a supposed caregiver like parent or near relative. I understand the mixed feelings and unease about being “home.” I don’t think we ever fully lose our triggers, but you’ve accomplished so much and have learned to cope with them. I’m proud of you!

      WR definitely has people wrapped around his fingers. It’s horrendous–one of the situations that got me to see how extensive the damage my parents did was a narcissist just like him that I got wrapped up in and he was much the same. You can’t un-see it once it is seen.

      Thank you for your message. The book is coming very soon!

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  6. Two things here. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.
    Second, I was not sexually abused as a child, but I’m the victim of a very sick psychologist I was seeing in the 1990’s for many issues going on in my life. I was a patient of hers for about 9 years and she slowly and methodically tried to convince me I was sexually abused, probably by my parents, (whom I’m very close to) but I had “repressed memory”. Remember that phase of psychology that therapists went through, very prevalent in the 90’s, that everyone had repressed memory. My point here is I was never sexually abused by anyone, I have no repressed memories, I’m just a victim of her mental illness. I can’t begin to tell you the damage this has caused in my life, and frankly still does to this day. I’ve gone through many therapists since then and I’m currently with someone who has really helped me out, and continues to do so. Back in 2001 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, far cry from repressed memory. Thanks for pointing out that even as children we try to distance ourselves from our abusers as much as we can, not stay involved in there life after turning 18 or unfortunately maybe having to runaway. I’m rambling sorry. I’ve never avoided my parents once in my entire life. They’re still alive, in there mid eighties, and hanging in there. Great article, and I too believe in Michael Jackson’s innocence. I’m not going to watch the documentary. I know it will upset me greatly. Someone told me at some point repressed memory comes up, and I never want to hear those words again or travel down that road. It’s a huge trigger for me.
    Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story.
    Julie Williams

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    1. You’re definitely right about the indifference bit. Later I realized I had intended to make two separate points about love/hate and love/indifference then kind of mixed them, but the metaphor worked in the end so I didn’t fix it, lol.

      Don’t worry about rambling! I have received so many messages like this the past few days and I’m touched and amazed at the response. It’s equally brave of and productive for you to also discuss it and put it out there. It helps the process for everyone.

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  7. Thank you for that. I am one of these fans. I am not a survivor but I do live this event as a nightmare and I pray everyday for people don’t believe all these lies. Thank you to include us in the hurt people in this story. I am so sorry for what happened to you and hope this book will be helpful.

    One of Michael Jackson’s lost children.

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    1. Right after Michael died, I jumped on a plane to Los Angeles and my friend and I drove all the way up to Neverland. It was the first time either of us had been. There were still news teams all around the place. Posters and memorials covered the gates. There was one that said simply “We are now your lost children.” and I understood it completely. I still feel it. Michael was a “safe place” for me growing up, when all the bad things were going on. I think we, his fans, have all been a little lost the past ten years, but I hope that this incident with WR/JS will bring us back around.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Reidun, I’m so sorry for the pain you have experienced. Thank you for speaking about it. Best of luck and much love for your continuing journey of healing

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  9. You’re so brave. I couldn’t add anything to the discussion because most comments accurately voiced out my opinion, but i hope you’re hanging in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I am really sorry for every person, who must deal with this trauma and feel pain because of this :(
    Not everybody who say “I am victim” tells truth. Exist some liars and Wade and James are one of them in my opinion. Their behavior is very strange. Documentary is full of lies and in some way destroy MJ legacy and memory. Media need to talk about so serious sexual crimes, but of course other causes hasnt so many attention…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I sat and cried but I know you don’t need my tears. What a beautifully forgiving letter and I hope the message gets through. God bless you and thank you for articulating what my heart has been feeling for true survivors.
    Love, light and strength x

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  12. I myself am also a victim of child sexual abuse. And what this person saying rings true. The pain that you feel if you’ve truely ever felt it is unbearable. It’s nothing to try and make money off of someone else’s pain. Because that’s what he’s doing. He’s using someone else’s pain. Like I said, I am a victim of abuse. I myself was abused and beaten by my babysitter from 3-4 yrs. old. I was sexually molested by my step dad and the girl across the street from 6-9&7-8 at the same time. I was gang raped at the age of 11. I myself didn’t tell my mom at first because I was scared. But I finally told her at 9 yrs. only because she was going to go back to him. I never spoke about the girl across the street. Why? I don’t know. I was gang raped at 11 and went to the police who didn’t even tell me when our court date was to find out later that they only got 2 years probation apiece ( all 7 of them) for them to go do it to someone else. I grew up blaming my parents ( mostly my mom) because I felt and feel alot of my abuse could have be avoided. The gang rape, among other things but I was set on fire. I grew up starting at the age of 6, smoking, doing drugs, became gang related at the age of 11, beating up my parents, suicidal and in a messed up sort of way I became an abuser. See, I grew up hating people, my heart was stone but I loved my animals because they loved me unconditionally. But most of all, I hated myself. I’ve come along way. I dealt with this on my own with no help from no one. I still have bad anger issues and I have learned to love myself but since my abuse, I’ve been a fighter and always feel the need to to have to defend myself and sometimes I go overboard and I fight the one who does love me and help me. I’m quick to put my hands on them. I’m trying to learn to change but sometimes it’s hard. But there are plenty of times when I want to hurt someone I love, I’ll cut myself to keep from hurting them. Abuse is not nothing to play with especially at someone else’s expense. I know that not every victim is the same and not everyone deals with their abuse the same way but I’m sure not trying to cut book deals or let someone make a movie and exploit my abuse in such graffic details to the world, nor am I trying to get a million dollar lawsuit. I have never gone into as grave a detail as I’m doing now, which is not graffic but I find them hard to believe. I also believe that maybe one or the other or both have had maybe some kind of trauma in their lives but the abuse wasn’t by Michael. But believe me the pain is real. Whether you’re mad because Michael left Wade and Wade feels like he’s is nothing without Michael and feels like Michael owes him something. Michael boosted your career, he helped you but it’s your responsibility to make something happen. Me the only thing I made happen was a life of crime. Now I’m trying to make that change. I still got a long way to go and I’m 51 year old. But today I am 6 years drug free. I have a good man that I need to work on myself with, I have a car , a home and I’m trying to find Good. I may not be where I want to be, I may not be where I ought to be but I thank God I’m not where I used to be. And to me these 2 accussers doesn’t act like someone who has been abused. You’re first step is to admit your wrong.

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