Featured Work
Schrodinger’s Pandemic: The Anxiety of Knowing We May Never Know 
Two Things People Misunderstand About the Words of Affirmation Love Language 
White Privilege Masks My Ethnic Name in Plain Sight 
Stuff No One Tells You About Dying Pets 
I Fell Asleep on a Porn Set and it Taught Me a Big Lesson About Consent 
How Heartbreak Helped me Recognize and Process My Internalized Biphobia
Generally when a writer blogs, there is a central theme. However I’ve never been much of a blogger; at least, not exclusively. I’m an essayist who covers a number of topics and just crossposts them on her own platform. Some are more mainstream and some are richer in content.
Here, I have split them up into better categories for easier browsing. In the future some specific sections will become their own blogs. For now, this is where they will remain.
Keep in mind a few things as you browse: I have been (slowly but surely) working on re-categorizing everything so pieces may move around; most if not all posts will belong to at least 2 categories so you may see them more than once; and if something is paywalled blame the publisher, not me :)
please be patient as I rebuild this system to something more navigable! If you get truly lost remember there is navigation at the bottom of the page!
LIFE LESSONS & MENTAL HEALTH
My First Week on Adderall
What happened when I walked into a clinic expecting a pap smear and walked out with an Adderall prescription.
Midsummer State of the Blonde
It’s been a non-stop shit-show of people telling me I’m so amazing and deserve better then turning around and letting me down by choice. And the impact really can’t be summed up in a paragraph or two.
The Other Side of Infidelity Isn’t the Betrayed Partner—It’s the Extramarital One
Is it such an awful situation that we don’t even have a word for someone like me? Or are we so blind to the full scope of infidelity that we are not willing to consider that I, too, am a betrayed partner?
When Truth Holds You Hostage
But on the other days, the ones I can push through, the healed (or healing) part of me asks “Why don’t others believe they deserve me? Why do they fear what they want?”
Taking A Deep Breath… and Holding It
Why I am taking a break but not really going anywhere.
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RELATIONSHIPS & SOCIAL ISSUES
Why I’m Not Angry With Him
I didn’t know then that he was confessing. His words were sincere but like so many other things he said, were incomplete statements. He stopped short of the whole truth: “You deserve better than what the world dealt you, but I choose not to give it because I don’t believe I deserve it also.”
I Know Why He Did It
We do not teach anyone that a ring is like having a baby. It does not save, enhance, or promote a relationship—it burdens one. If and only if the couple is prepared and equipped to share that burden will it succeed long-term.
Questions I’m Not Sure I Want Answered
In the wake of what I experienced and as my perspective sharpened, I was left with questions I didn’t have before. They were painful to say out loud but I knew that acknowledging and accepting them was my way out. They were the sign I had at least located the home stretch even if I was not ready to traverse it.
Who Bears the Emotional Labor in an Affair?
I thought I was giving him the freedom to be himself, figure things out, and come to me when he felt ready. In reality, he was using me to plug the holes in the sinking ship of his marriage. And when she returned, there was no need for me. If one woman was defective and absent; the other would do just fine.
If There Could Ever Be a Good Ending to an Unknown Affair, I Found It
If either of us had boarded a plane, it would have been a much different outcome. A single kiss would have sealed a far worse fate. Something was going to give sooner or later. Much better that an algorithm tipped me off in the middle of the night rather than a condom breaking in the middle of a getaway.
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PERSONAL & GENERAL
Why I’m (Probably) Staying on Twitter
Twitter is simple—it’s what Facebook used to want to be, back when users needed an .edu email address to join. It’s the space where people go, online, to just be with people. It’s the town square of the internet, where one can people-watch and then duck into a shop when they need to grab something.…
The Thirteenth Hour
Before, my life felt like I was always running a labyrinth. Always hearing a screaming baby in a distant place, never able to reach it, constantly yanked in different directions, racing against a time frame that didn’t exist. But now the whole thing has been razed, disintegrated.
What Even is Time?
When it rains, it pours. When an Angeleno leaves LA for any subjectively significant time, one’s re-entry is provisional until they’ve seen their therapist. I don’t make the rules (okay, sometimes I do). But in my case, it’s true. The past few weeks have wrung me dry and I didn’t feel truly centered until I…
The Art of Radical Self-Trust
As a writer I have always believed in trusting the reader. If a writer fails this, the prose suffers. It is where walls of text and overwrought exposition is born and storytelling goes to die.
What Five Years in L.A. Have Taught Me
Things I couldn’t have learned anywhere else.
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Reidun Saxerud 